I think I am morally bankrupt
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize