then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize