Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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