Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
