beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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