life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
