Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
