just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
