There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I need moral support for this bender
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
