No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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