Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
