I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize