using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
