The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Randomize
