I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
