During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
