doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
