I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
