apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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