they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize