don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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