whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
