drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
