you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
