Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
