i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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