lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
