i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i used baking grease as lip gloss
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
