I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
