Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
