Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
