Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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