And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
