what day is it and did you see me today?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
