would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize