i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
