Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My ATM looks so different sober.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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