I wanna passion pit in your ass
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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