My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize