Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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