I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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