forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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