stop calling my apartment porn island.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
