I'm so fucking centered right now
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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