My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
