and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So. Much. Porn.
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