I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
