I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
