You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
