is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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