I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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