If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just want nice things and good sex
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
