I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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