i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
