this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
