You're my little dorito
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
