I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
