he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just found puke in my bra..
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
