I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just puked most of my soul out..
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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