I want to make a zoo with you.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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