i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
