Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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