the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
