You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
