but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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