Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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